It's been a terribly long time since I have posted on here. Do forgive me, so much has happened. Many other victims of Somary have come forward. We have been very blessed to find each other and to feel less alone. My identity has been quite clearly established in the press and elsewhere. I can now say clearly and proudly here that I am Ed Bowen, that I was sexually abused by Johannes Somary in the fall of 1973 and that my abuse was in no way caused by me.
I have decided to publish my original letter to Somary here. I sent this letter to him In October 2009 and never did receive a response. I like to think that he actually read it but I am not sure that he did. I am proud of the letter and feel that it conveys a great deal of the pain Somary put me through along with many others
Here it is:
October 29, 2009
This morning as I commuted to work on the subway, Brahms “Nanie” began playing on my Ipod. It brought back a flood of memories of my time in the Glee Club at Horace Mann. There was so much about that time that was so wonderful. My heart and soul were opened up to so much music. You were a big part of that. But there was a terribly dark, really evil, stain on that time as well. That stain has really never washed away and I guess it never will. It is your molestation of me as a 16 year old child. I am not saying that I was completely innocent at that time. I know I talked to you of my emergent sexuality. Yet, one night, as we sat on your couch after I had babysat your children, you reached into my pants, pulled out my penis and fondled me. I told you very clearly and very specifically that this was not something I wanted. Despite this, a few weeks later, you did the same thing to me again in your car. This second incident was incredibly painful and damaging to me since you so clearly violated me against my will.
I am not sure that you are aware of the seriousness of your unwelcome acts. For me, they have had a devastating impact on my life, my self esteem and my self confidence. This contributed to years of drinking and drugging. I nearly died before I was able to get sober and have been in therapy for all of the years since. Your molestation of me has come up over and over again in my therapy sessions. It is at the advice of my doctor that I am writing this letter. The hope is that by communicating some of my feelings to you I can achieve some level of healing. To do that I also need to work on forgiving you and I am trying. A very great concern of mine is the other children that you and Anne molested. I understand from my mother that one of your “special friends” committed suicide last year. It is beyond my comprehension that you are able to live with yourself after such an occurrence.
I remember you as being quite religious in the days of our acquaintance. I wonder if you have confessed these sins to your priest. I truly hope that you have. I also think you should consider taking some steps to try to atone for your pedophilia in the real world while you are still alive. Perhaps you could fund a mental health program at Horace Mann. You have set a great deal of evil forth into the world with your outrageously inappropriate behavior. Someday there needs to be some sort of divine reckoning.
I have been trying to write this letter for years and have fallen into serious depressions a few times over it. I am sure the things I have said are most unwelcome to you. Even if that is the case, my words are honest and reflect my life experience. I nearly didn’t make it, yet here I am. I will continue to pray for you and try to forgive your abusive behavior. Only you know how much abusive behavior there actually was. How astonishing that you are walking around a free man! I suppose many of your other victims felt the same shame that I did and thought that this was somehow their fault. That is the classic pattern.
Goodbye Johannes. I do not expect that we will see each other again. I don’t think it would be a good idea for you to write back to me. I have no plans to take this matter up with anyone else so you needn’t worry on that score.